Milly’s story: Overcoming adversity to achieve her goals

Every time Milly Marshall-Kirkwood gets ready to compete, she thinks of her mum.

She can see her in the stand, sitting next to her dad Rob. She can hear her yelling words of encouragement and see the pride emanating from her body.

“Every time I go out to throw, it’s like she’s sitting in the audience, there with me,” says the 16-year-old from Taranaki. 

“That memory of her being with me and supporting me is so vivid.”

It’s been five years since the family lost their mum and wife Paula to bowel cancer and the grief is still plain to see. She went to the emergency department with acute stomach pain and, just eight months later, the 49-year-old had passed away.

For her husband Rob, who carries on valiantly as a father to their three children, it was an unbearable loss.

“Paula and Milly had a really tight connection,” he says, fighting back the tears. “So it was bloody awful, and it has been awful for years.”

Rob has picked up the reins from his late wife and is now the organiser. Paula performed the role of being a supporting mum perfectly – she organised every last detail in Milly’s training and competing like a well-oiled machine.

“She was exceptionally well organised,” Rob says.

“But when it was all done, she’d just say, ‘Go out there and do your best, just go for it. Whatever happens, we’re so proud of you’.”

Milly Marshall-Kirkwood with her dad Rob, siblings Archie, 12, and Daisy, 14, and dog Maggie.

Dreaming of the black singlet

Milly has given her family plenty to be proud of in recent years. She competes in Para athletics in the F57 discus and shot put and has tallied up a number of New Zealand records.

Her personal best for F57 discus is 18.96m, which is the national record for the open, U-20, U-19, U-18 and U-17 levels and she’s one of the most exciting young Para athletes in New Zealand.

She’s about to represent her country for the first time at the Oceania Athletics Championships, which take place in Suva, Fiji in early June.

It’s going to be a hugely proud moment and confirmation for her that she’s on track to achieve her goal of representing New Zealand at the 2028 Los Angeles Paralympics.

She dreams about that moment of donning the famous black singlet on the world stage.

“It would mean so much for me to become a Paralympian. It would be a really big confidence thing,” she says.

“All of those people who’ve doubted me – saying you might not walk, or you might not live a full life or get through this or that.

“Having my own unique Paralympian number – that only a very select number of people get to have – would be great affirmation of what I’ve overcome.”

‘There was never a place for me’

Milly is no stranger to adversity. She was born with Marfan Syndrome – a genetic disorder that affects connective tissue, the fibres that support and anchor a person’s organs and other structures in their body.

“It means I was born without the protein that makes my connective tissue strong,” she says. 

“So everything that’s held together with connective tissue is very loose. And that mainly affects my heart and feet.” 

Milly had open heart surgery when she was six and has had three foot surgeries since then to gain the ability to walk unaided and pain free.

Growing up in Taranaki with her physical challenges was a struggle.

“It was always hard at PE class – there was never a place for me,” she says.

“They’d say, ‘You can take the score, or you can ref’, but I was always sitting on the sidelines. And that wasn't very exciting.

“And now here I am, I’m just like everyone else. Now I have a sense of belonging through my sport. My development in Para sport has helped me a huge amount with my confidence in life.”

Usually eloquent and honest, Milly is stumped when asked how she overcomes her challenges.

“That’s a good question, I’ve never really thought about that before,” she says. “I guess you just keep going, there's no point in stopping right? I’m so young that I would miss out on so much. There are so many things I want to achieve.”

Her dad Rob is incredibly proud of her personal growth and maturity.

“It’s good knowing she’s actually one of the best in the world at what she’s doing,” he says.

“So this is not just a pipe dream – this could be her reality.”

Para Sport Collective proves life changing

Over the past 12 months, Milly has been a member of the first cohort of the ACC-funded Para Sport Collective.

It’s a three-year initiative from Paralympics NZ, aimed at supporting pre-high performance Para athletes and coaches to achieve their goals, after a need was uncovered for greater support. 

“Sport has the power to transform the lives of disabled New Zealanders – involvement in Para sport is so important to rehabilitation and wellbeing in general,” says ACC Chief Executive Megan Main. 

“At ACC, we want to generate opportunities for disabled New Zealanders to participate and compete in Para sport. So we're thrilled to be supporting athletes at this pre-high performance stage of their journey.”

A total of 42 individuals came together for three in-person camps where they gained skills, shared experiences and built relationships.

For Milly, it was a life-changing experience.

She says it was great being around peers with disabilities who could share common experiences. 

“Not even just for my goal to become a Paralympian, it helped me from the second I joined in everyday life. It gave me real purpose and a sense of belonging.

“Going back to my experience growing up where I was always left out, the Para Sport Collective was the opposite of that. For the first time in my life, I was in a place where I felt like I belonged and that was hugely empowering for me.”

Flourishing with a disability

Milly first got into Para sport when she was invited to attend an Athletics NZ ‘Give it a Go’ day. After impressing with a few of her first throws in discus, she was encouraged by Athletics NZ Para Lead Raylene Bates to take up athletics.

At the Halberg Games in 2022, she met Athletics NZ throws coach John Eden and threw sitting down for the first time. She loved it and hasn’t looked back, with John still her coach today.

Away from the athletics field, Milly is in Year 12 at Inglewood High School and has her heart set on studying medicine at the University of Otago.

She has simple advice for any young people growing up in New Zealand with a disability.

“Just keep going,” she says.

“Life is hard, and there’s probably going to be more bad stuff happen, but you can overcome it all and, when you do, there are good times to come.”